Thursday, April 30, 2009

Lost, S5E14: The Variable

Was that a fucking awesome episode or what?

When Kate, Jack, and Daniel were traipsing through the jungle, we said "FINALLY. THAT'S what we've been missing for so long!" We don't watch Lost so we can see a bunch of people living in '70s suburbia, for god's sake. We want to see bloody, dirty, frantic people sweating and running through the jungle for their lives, dammit! Although even we were taken aback at how abruptly things went from That '70s Show to Apocalypse Now. We had a bit of an issue with how stupid Kate and Jack were being by strolling up to the gun locker in broad daylight, thinking no one would notice, but the ensuing firefight was just the kind of bump up in action the show desperately needed. And speaking of action...

Why, oh why couldn't someone at least clip Radzinsky as payback for being the most irritating character of the season? We know he lives for another 15 years and winds up as a stain on the ceiling of the Swan, but couldn't just a little blood be drawn to satisfy us? Granted, it looks like everyone involved in that gunfight is in some dire need of glasses because they were all, at most, 5 yards away from each other and none of them could land a decent shot. Kate and Jack have fairly limited gun experience (and it's been a while for them), but Radzinsky and his posse had no excuse for being such lousy shots. And speaking of gunslinging...

It's strange how believable a couple Kate and Jack become when they're slinging bullets. All that sighing and staring bullshit does them no good as characters. It's when the stakes are high that you can really see how well they work together. Then again, the same thing happened to Sawyer and Juliet. We never would have accepted those two as a couple, but after they spent their time in the jungle watching each other's backs, suddenly they got all sweet with each other. And speaking of our star-crossed lovers...

Our heart breaks for poor James, who was clearly in over his head and not thinking straight at all. Did he really think that he and Juliet were going to live happily ever after on the beach where it all started? Level-headed Juliet seemed to realize that but, because she loved him (and because she clearly didn't want him anywhere near "Freckles"), she tearfully agreed to a plan that she knew was never going to work. And speaking of dumb plans thought up by smart people...

Daniel, you moron. What made you think wandering into a Hostiles camp waving a gun around was a good idea? You almost had us with your big speech about free will being the variable that can change history. We were open-mouthed when you told Chang you were from the future and did the Gay Gasp when you told him that Miles was his son. We thought "Alright! Here's a man with a plan! Let's get this shit started!" But no, you had to go and do something really, really stupid and wound up fulfilling your lifelong destiny, which apparently was to get killed by your mother. And speaking of the winner of All-Time Worst Parent on Lost...

Our minds are reeling with the knowledge that apparently, Eloise has known all Daniel's life that he was going to die at her hand and ACTIVELY PUSHED him toward that destiny. What. A. Bitch. At least she had the decency to show some feelings of remorse when she confronted her baby daddy, Charles (woohoo! Got that one right!). And speaking of Widmores and destiny...

Is this it for Penny and Desmond? Did they finally get their happy ending and their involvement in this clusterfuck is over? Certainly, they deserve it, but Lost without Desmond is like...something good without...something....that makes it...better. Oh, you know what we mean. It sounds horrible, but we kinda hope baby Charlie gets kidnapped or something. After all, it was a little weird how they made a point to say "This nurse will watch your baby." Maybe we're just being a little jumpy, but it's never a good idea to leave your child unattended on this show.

What else? It was fun seeing so many characters together at one time in the LaFleur/Burke living room. The last time we saw that many characters together was on Ajira 315 and most of them couldn't even look at each other, let alone have a conversation. Best line goes to Hurley. "Wait, you were in 1954? Like, Fonzie times?" It was also heartbreaking to see Daniel fulfill his destiny even further by telling the young Charlotte what we knew he was going to tell her. There's always a chance we're wrong and he survived that bullet from his mama, but in retrospect, the whole episode felt like it was leading up to his death. It remains to be seen (of course) what's going to happen next. Will Jack and Kate try to blow up the island to change history and prevent all this shit from ever happening to them? Will Sawyer and Juliet ever manage to get away from Asshole Radzinsky or is this it for them? And what about Jin, Hurley and Miles? And Baby Ben? And for crying out loud, we're getting tired of asking this, but WHERE THE HELL ARE ROSE AND BERNARD?!


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Lights of Spring

Darlings, our ongoing quest to give you shiny things to look at has taken a turn for the literal today. The great Mario Testino photographed an editorial for V Magazine showcasing the spring '09 metallics trend. The pics themselves are gorgeous, the clothes range from fabulous to ugly, and the styling is kinda bleh. The bored model with the JBF hair and a cigarette just seems so...nineties, y'know?

Balenciaga, Burberry Prorsum

Love both the jackets and sure, you can't see them as well as you could on the runway, but they do look pretty fab in the pictures.

Marc Jacobs, John Galliano, ChloƩ

Love that skirt; LOVELOVELOVE those shoes. Those pants are HIDEOUS and pulling them up to tit-level isn't exactly an improvement.

Ralph Lauren

It's a fabulous dress and while we think the styling for the runway show may have been a bit on the cliched side, at least it wasn't as disturbing as pairing it with a neck bandage.

Versace, Prada

Yes on the Versace; no on the Prada, although the latter does look better in the editorial than it did on the runway.

Maison Martin Margiela, Balmain

Both pieces look better in the editorial, but no matter how well it's styled, we hate that Balmain dress, which was worn by Jennifer Connelly to her last film premier a couple months back.

Model: Natalia Vodianova
Photography: Mario Testino
Styling: Beat Bolliger

[Photos: Mario Testino/V Magazine/]

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The Fashion Show Preview

Darlings, are you excited? We are! The Fashion Show starts in a week, and based on what we've been hearing, it should prove to be very interesting.

What have we been hearing? Well, we've been hearing that it's pretty much everything you liked about PR with corrections made to everything you hated about it. There will be a mini-challenge and an elimination challenge in the each episode, and each episode will end with a fashion show and a winner decided by both the judges and a live studio audience, which will consist of some major fashion insiders. No models clumping down a plywood runway on a mostly empty set, instead, they've done their best to replicate a real (albeit scaled down) fashion show experience each week. And the runway set looks fabulous. Also, there's no mentor for these bitches. You might not like the sound of that, but we do. There's only one Tim Gunn and it was a better idea to do away with the role completely rather than shove a cheap imitation in there.

Check out the preview videos. At the end, you'll see a menu that connects you to a host of other videos about the show. After the last season of PR, when Bravo just didn't give a shit and did almost nothing to promote it, they're pulling out all the stops for this one.

We'll always be fans of the original, but we're really hoping that Bravo has a major hit with this one. They deserve it. And we suspect the buzz on this show must be good, otherwise why would Lifetime push back the premiere of the long-awaited season 6?


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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Virgins v. Vixens

Oh, poodles. This last one was a nail-biter.

We knew as we headed into the upper tiers of the competition, things were going to get a bit more interesting, but when it came time to tally up the votes on this one, the lead kept swinging back and forth between the two combatants. "Julie! Doctor Zhivago!" "Jane! Workout videos! 9 to 5!" "Julie!" "Jane!" We were getting excited just trying to keep track of it all! We had an idea going into it which way it was going to go and for a while there, it looked like we may have gotten it wrong, but in the end, one gal rallied and our predicted outcome came true.


But she put up one HELL of a fight, bitches.

If you thought that one was tough, you ain't seen nothing yet. After all, we're in A-list territory now and the remaining competitors are all legends. Just think for a second about the period of time we're talking about and which actresses pop into your heads first. Yeah. THOSE ladies. You've all got your work cut out for you as you try to decide the winners.

This week, it's ...

taking a swig of water to recover from her last bout and rolling up her sleeves to take on the former Natalia Zacharenko,


We have NO IDEA how this one's gonna go.

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Trends for Fall '09: Graphic

Darlings, are you bored with the same old one-color or starkly color-blocked looks? Not to worry; bold prints, patterns and overlays are back in a big, big way.

We're being a little snippy, of course. Like most trends, they never really went away. It's just that lately, everyone's been doing the graphic look and once everyone starts doing it, the stakes get higher and the prints get bolder. Let's fail to do them justice by offering short, snappy, bloggy assessments, shall we?

3.1 Phillip Lim, Alberta Ferretti, Alexander McQueen, Anna Sui

Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, interesting.

BCBG Max Azria, Blumarine, Burberry Prorsum, Calvin Klein

Enh, sort of enh, gorgeous, pretty.

Chanel, Christian Dior, Derek Lam, Diane von Furstenberg

Ugly, pretty, pretty, sassy.

DKNY, Dolce & Gabbana, Dries Van Noten, Emanuel Ungaro

Enh, FABULOUS, kinda ugly, FABULOUS.

Gucci, Isaac Mizrahi, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Marc Jacobs

No, no, no, no.

Marni, Matthew Williamson, Missoni, Moschino

Almost-but-not-quite, fabulous, ugly, fabulous.

Narciso Rodriguez, Peter Som, Stella McCartney, Zac Posen

Colorforms, interesting, bland, bath mat.


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Stripey Shelley O

Kittens, can you believe (almost) an entire month has gone by without us checking in on Mrs. O?

Michelle Obama attends the unveiling ceremony for the bust of Sojourner Truth in the U.S. Capitol Visitors Center in Washington, DC wearing a Sophie Theallet dress

Regardless of your party affiliation, you've got to admit it's an awesomely powerful moment when the nation's first African-American first lady unveils a long-overdue tribute to Sojourner Truth.

But enough of that! Let's criticize what she's wearing!

Sophie Theallet Spring 2009 Collection
Model: Samira Bento

Sophie Theallet is a French-born fashion designer living in the U.S. She's worked with Jean-Paul Gaultier and Azzedine Alaia. Of particular interest is that she used only black models to walk this collection, which makes Shelley's choice of this dress for this event a bit ... subversive. Oh, Shelley. You cheeky girl. We love a woman who can send a secret message through fashion.

As for the dress...we LOVE it. We still maintain that she should stay away from full skirts because they do her no favors, figure-wise, but we can't deny that despite the silhouette, she looks great. It's the brilliantly colored stripes. They tend to take the eyes away from her hips. But honey, please get a gay to teach you Belts 101 soon, mkay? We're not sure if it's the color, the size or the placement (it looks like she's wearing it too high), but something's not working around the waist area.

Would that she only had the nerve to wear the head scarf that the model's wearing. It really completes the look but we suspect over-sensitive pundits would have read too much into it.

[Photos: Getty Images/]

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Christian Siriano Wedding Gowns asked Christian Siriano to sketch wedding gowns for some engaged celebrities and there are NO puffy sleeves!

We've got little to say about these because critiquing sketches is getting a little ahead of things. Give us an honest-to-god dress and we'll rip the hell out of it, but for now, let's all just take a look.

Okay, we'll say one thing: they're pretty, but surprisingly basic. We would have thought Princess would turn out something a little edgier than these looks.

Uma Thurman
"I imagine this gown to be total elegance with a classically shaped top and a satin faced organza extreme bottom."

Rachel Bilson
"She is so sweet and chic. The shape is body conscious to show that she has a great figure."

Amy Adams
"A true red carpet diva. This gown is satin-faced organza and a overlay of chiffon in a icy grey tone."

Zooey Deschanel
"I love the idea of using colors and tones to highlight something for Zooey. Her hair has such a luscious dark tone."

Read more here.

Source: Christian Siriano Imagines Uma Thurman's Wedding Gown [NYMag]

[Sketches: Christian Siriano/]

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