Thursday, November 30, 2006


WARNING! WARNING! We are heading into a bra-free zone! Please keep your hands inside the car and refrain from jumping up and down!

Poor thing. She tried to give her client what she wanted and what her client wanted was the fashion equivalent of one of those 99-cent greeting cards covered in glitter.

It's strange. Last week she was all about trying to assert her POV in a situation where she wasn't supposed to and this week she just folded without ever really trying to make the design her own.

Especially since she had a perfect opportunity when those damn roses came out of the dye looking so horrible. She could have just said to Melissa "I tried the roses but they didn't work."

Seriously, they look like cabbages.

We don't know if the previous week's drama tripped her up or what, but this doesn't even look particularly well-made.

Nothing says romance and new beginnings like a bunch of dead shriveled flowers. She looks like she walked through a graveyard on the way to her wedding.

And that corseting looks awful.

Definitely not well-made. That bodice is all kinds of puckery and ill-fittery.

Ah well. Like we said, a shame. Nora has talent and a stronger aesthetic than some of the remaining designers but it really all does come down to maturity and experience. If she'd had a little more she could have asserted herself in the design and been able to think on her feet and make quick changes without angering her client.


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Plastic Fantastic

We both recently turned 40 and when that happens, one naturally tries to take stock in one's life and in doing so, ask that most inevitable and important question: How much work should I get done?

Oh, don't look at us like that. Like you never asked the question? Not once? If the answer is no, then you're a liar, or worse, you're under 35. In either case, your opinion doesn't count in this conversation.

We both always said we were going to age gracefully, but sugars, when we look around and see that almost no one else is doing so, then doesn't that naturally force the question of whether or not we need to redefine what "aging gracefully" means? If we hit 60 with the natural faces of 60-year-olds, aren't we going to stand out against seemingly everyone else in our generation traveling through life looking as if they just walked in on their own surprise party?

Don't get us wrong, we don't want to look younger than our age. Firstly because it's a fool's errand and secondly because we like being our age. Crow's feet and salt and pepper hair? We think that's hot, actually. We welcome it. Klingon-like foreheads, jowls and droopy eyelids? Not so much, honeys.

Here's the thing: did you ever watch Extreme Makeover? We admit, it's a guilty pleasure and we only watch it with the drapes closed, like porn with less nudity and more scalpels. If you haven't, you should watch it some time. Not only is it nauseatingly exploitive, but EVERY SINGLE TIME someone gets work done on the show, they usually look better (mainly because if you're on the show, it's because the producers decided you're ugly enough to be on the show), but they also usually look pretty freakish. Those massive, blindingly white teeth that they shove into all their mouths! The shiny, tissue-paper skin around their eyes that looks like it's gonna rip the first time they wink! The foreheads that look like skating rinks! The cheek implants that make them look like Jack Nicholson as The Joker! And why do the women always opt for the stripper look in their hair and makeup? Honeys, isn't there a better way?

So yes, every time we find ourselves peering into the mirror and framing our face with our hands so we can pull the skin back as if we were Greta Garbo, we run to the TV to see if there's an EM marathon on just to scare the lingering thoughts of going under the knife out of our heads.

So okay, surgery's out. And sure, like so many of our brethren, we have a healthy supply of expensive anti-aging creams in our medicine cabinets but even when we're diligently applying the stuff, we know in the back of our heads that it's mostly expensive crap that isn't going to do much for us in the long run. Chemical peels and botox scare us a little but not enough to completely rule it out, y'know?

What we're really banking on is by the time we're 50, the cosmetic surgery industry will have improved its techniques to the point that the results look better than what we're seeing on people now and we can get a quick eyelift at a drivethru for a couple hundred bucks on our lunch hour. Darlings, won't that be utopia? Everyone will look fabulous! Except the poor, of course.

Okay, okay. Fine. We're shallow. We own it. But just writing this post* has caused us to have a little breakthrough. We now realize that we shouldn't obsess about such superficial things and if God had intended us to look fuckable at seventy, we'd all be pumping out more and more collagen and calcium with each passing year. So fine, bitches. We'll take up yoga or something.

*Actually, googling all these pictures is what really scared us off.

A Note from Uncle Nick

"Hi Boys:

Wish you were here in LA for this event that I will be hosting Friday night from 7-9PM for OUT magazine and Macy's INC. Hope all is well and you guys had a nice Thanksgiving.

I also just found out that around February/March, I will be traveling across the US to make appearances as part of my Windsor Prom Dress line launch -- should be fun."

Damn, we wish we were there too! Is that hottie in the ad gonna be there?

(Not Nick, the other hottie in the ad.)

S1/E5: Congratulations Kara Saun!

Quickie recap: The designers need to design a wedding dress according to the specifications of their "clients." In this case, the clients are the models themselves. You can read Tim's Take on this episode here.

And it's Kara Saun for the win again! We couldn't have agreed more. This gown was GORGEOUS.

The one thing that T&L were in disagreement over was the trim around the neckline. Lorenzo loved it but Tom didn't think it was necessary.

God bless freeze-framing, because this was shot so fleetingly that you barely noticed the beautiful train.

When it comes to wedding dresses, we're both big fans of the sleek, sexy, modern look rather than the "Princess Bride" look that's all too common. Sure, not every woman can pull off a dress like this, but then again most women don't look good in a bustle and somehow the bridal industry has convinced everyone that they're still de rigeur. Go for the modern look, gals. Why would you want to wear something that has nothing to do with who you are or the time in which you live? But we digress.

There's little else we can say about the dress because it's so simple. It fits her perfectly, doesn't it?

And for once a model cries not because she's a drama queen or a bitch (we'll get to you later, Olga) but because she's in love with what she's wearing. Jenny, you are an absolute sweetheart and a designer's dream.

See how the dress looks without the neckline trim? Did it really need it?

And is Kara Saun doing the Loco-motion or something?


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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants



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We told you she was crazy, didn't we? They should've just stapled a wig to her head.

What she needs? She needs to up her dosage, that's what she needs.

We like the "Go down and get her." Like she's an unruly dog or something.

This will now officially be known as the Drama Sofa. It turns designers into weeping Mexican soap opera heroines and it makes models go all fetal.

Doesn't he look like a housewife in a commercial discussing just why Downy Dryer Sheets are better for her family?

We can't imagine why the show didn't lead to more work for her. She's got "supermodel" written all over her, right?

"It's gonna be gorgeous! Don't worry about it! You're fabulous!"

"Jesus. And they call me a drama queen."


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Heidi's Christmas song: not as horrible as we thought it would be.

When this showed up in our inbox yesterday, we pre-cringed as we clicked play, waiting for the aural onslaught. Imagine our surprise when we realized the bitch can actually sing! Granted, she's not going to put Celine Dion out of work any time soon but she has a perfectly serviceable voice for pop music.

As for the song... well, it's insipid but then again most Christmas songs are. Be warned: it'll stick in your head all day. And the video looks like they spliced a Victoria's Secret commercial with someone's home movies. What was the budget on that thing? There's like 5 shots that they just repeat over and over again.

But damn, she is stunning. Bitch actually gets more beautiful as she gets older.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Homo for the Holidays

Like a lot of gay folks, we tend to bristle under the "tragic homosexual" label that so often gets hung on us. When we wrote this post we cut out a portion having to do with the "tragic messes" that can be found in most (actually, all) gay neighborhoods because we felt we were getting a little off-topic and yes, because we didn't want to contribute to the meme of all gay people laboring under some terrible burden.

But the fact of the matter is, a lot of gay people do bear that burden, whether because of society as a whole or their own personal issues or just plain bad luck in the family lottery. We'd be remiss if we pretended otherwise.

The part we excised from the previous post? When we first moved in together, we lived in a first floor apartment that looked out on one of those charming little colonial-era alleyways that dot Philadelphia. Across the way was a fun little cabaret-style piano bar frequented almost exclusively by older gay men. It was (and still is) a great place to go no matter your age or orientation. Like pretty much every single person we ever took there, you'd be surprised how many show tunes there are where you know all the words.

That year, we had family and friends over for Christmas dinner. All day long, we and our guests would look up and see someone far too drunk (and not in the happy way) miserably stumble out of the place. On Christmas day. We never forgot it.

Do us a favor, okay? Adopt a Mo this year. Look around you and check in with all your gays. Make sure they have somewhere to be on that day and if they don't, ask them to spend the holiday with you. Chances are, most of them will have plans because like we said, the "tragic homosexual" isn't as prevalent as our culture would have you believe but there's no denying that there are an awful lot of lonely 'mos around the holidays. Here's your chance to spread a little good karma around and honeys, trust us. You do a good deed for a lonely gay man and you will always have someone to tell you honestly whether those shoes match that dress. Alternately, help a lesbian out and you'll never have to pay for an oil change again.

She's a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Y'know, we can't even imagine the pressure these designers are under and we do try and take that into account when we sit back and judge them, but there really was no excuse whatsoever for Nora's accusation and outburst.

"I came here to compete." Well you know what, girl? Shut up and get on with it.

"Jesus save me from these amateurs."

Their minds or their pattern pieces?

"I can't believe people would accuse me of accusing them just because I accused them!"

Honestly, we really like Nora. We think she's a sweetheart and we think she's talented, but this was extraordinarily unprofessional and just plain stupid. Remake your damn pattern piece, girl!

Bravo always has to throw a little something in there to get the straight guys to watch. They should put a stripper pole in the workroom just to see what happens.

"You know what? I'm outta here! Really, really fast!"

Granted, Kevin did a lousy job of handling this, which is to say he didn't handle it at all except to make snide comments under his breath.

See, this is the problem with guest judges. The designers were told they'd be judged on their teamwork and leadership skills and Kevin's team was the worst by far in this category. Sarah Hudson obviously didn't give a shit about this sort of thing and why should she? She's there to pick out an outfit.

And speaking of Kevin...

...anyone else notice his sudden loss of seven years?


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Monday, November 27, 2006

Who says Laura Bennett doesn't do menswear?

Thanks to eagle-eyed reader Bill, we can show you this scan from the current issue of Time Out New York Kids. It's Laura's redesign of Santa's outfit and we have to say, it's pretty damn cool. We want that jacket.

And before you ask, she's still pregnant.

That Bitch is Crazy.

Man, we knew she was nuts but even we were surprised at this one.

Oh, sorry. Are we being unclear? Here, let us help you out:

We repeat:



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Episode 5 - Preview

Darlings! Wedding gowns! Model drama! Rob makes an ass of himself!

Watch it here.


Crack-Smoking Judges Strike Again

Two years later and we're still not over the fact that this look was totally ignored. It was the only look on the runway this week that wasn't 100% derivative. Original, striking and perfectly executed. Plus, Jay's team was the only one that was completely devoid of any drama.

That leather bodice is absolutely stunning. It has that hardcore look that it should have, but the feather "sleeves" give it a soft femininity.

And we loved the "skirt" even if it was a little gimmicky. Sure, you could say that it was just as Cyndi Lauper as Kevin's outfit, but paired with that top and those tight pants it had a totally different vibe to it. We love the panels in the pants and the subtle use of the black pinstripe among all that deconstructed frillery in the skirt.

We don't know what that thing is on her ass but it's one of the few things on this outfit we don't like. Like we said, the skirt's a little gimmicky, but then again stage wear should be a little gimmicky. We can just see Sarah Hudson ripping that off on stage and using it as a prop.

Okay, we can't actually see Sarah Hudson doing it because we never heard of her before or since, but someone could do it.


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